Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
