just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
