dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
