My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
