youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
