whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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