i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
