Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
