I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
try to milk me bitch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
