i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
