...so i touched it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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