Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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