Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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