the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
