there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i out mim tonsoeep
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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