$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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