I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
