TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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