u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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