I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
