Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
