Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
