At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
ttyl tear gas
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
