yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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