What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
