why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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