I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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