If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
