none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
