so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
