he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize