Umm I'm too high to move.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize