This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
