Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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