Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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