just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
