I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
