so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
please come you make the beer taste better
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
