Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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