I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
