it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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