four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
