I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
