Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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