apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
