Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
