I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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