don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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