its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
