yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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