you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize