You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
