My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
