K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
