Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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