OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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