i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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