dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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