I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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