I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
