I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I look better un-naked...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
