Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
