i just wanna soil my oats bro
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize