'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
