when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Still dying that you shit outside
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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