Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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