"it" just moved
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
