How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Actions speak louder than pants.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
